Sunday, October 11, 2009
You Know You Are A Pathology Resident...
... when you are cooking chicken stir-fry and realize that the pieces of chicken you just cut and are stirring about are all frightfully symmetrical.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Thing?
The Thing? Exit 322.
What the hell is it? That was the question we pondered as we saw billboard after billboard along I-10 in the southern Arizona desert advertising "The Thing." In case you could not guess, this type of gimmick that promises total randomness in the middle of the desert is what The Lone Coyote lives for. There was no question about it. Once we hit Exit 322, we were stopping.
We hit Texas Canyon, home to some very wild and other worldly rock formations. The rest area was closed, unfortunately, so I did not get to take any cool pictures there. Shortly after exiting the canyon, we saw it the magical exit. The Thing?! What is it??
Uh, it looks like a gas station in the middle of the desert with a big gift shop and an attached Dairy Queen. Inside we found the typical tacky desert souvenirs--animal carvings, jewelery, "rattlesnake eggs," cheesy T-shirts, and Mexican jumping beans. At the back was a huge metal door to nowhere with a $1 admission fee. It took some convincing to get the Mrs. to agree to enter, but I prevailed.
The lady took our money and told us to follow the yellow footprints through the other buildings. Other buildings? These yellow tracks were supposed to be made by Bigfoot, I guess. There was no turning back. We went through the heavy door and entered the first of several open-doored bunkers. That was about the time we realized we had forgotten the camera. It was in the car. After some consideration we concluded there was no way to exit, get the camera, and re-enter. So, sorry, no pictures from here either.
The buildings were full of completely random, and kind of creepy, stuff. There were the "one of a kind" wooden sculptures of people being tortured, a collection of ancient guns including one from the Ottoman Empire (supposedly), and some strange creatures that appeared to be made from tree roots. Then there were the collections of "artifacts," which included old cars, including one that was supposedly Hitler's, a buggy that Abe Lincoln once rode in, and random old household items. Then there was the more "ethnic" stuff--an ancient Chinese stool, Native American baskets, and random pottery.
In the last building one can find out what The Thing? actually is. I will not spoil it, in case you are ever driving along I-10 and want to find out. You can Google it if you are really curious. Let me say you'd likely never guess what The Thing? really is. The whole experience was totally awesome in its randomness, even if it was a bit creepy. I love America.
What the hell is it? That was the question we pondered as we saw billboard after billboard along I-10 in the southern Arizona desert advertising "The Thing." In case you could not guess, this type of gimmick that promises total randomness in the middle of the desert is what The Lone Coyote lives for. There was no question about it. Once we hit Exit 322, we were stopping.
We hit Texas Canyon, home to some very wild and other worldly rock formations. The rest area was closed, unfortunately, so I did not get to take any cool pictures there. Shortly after exiting the canyon, we saw it the magical exit. The Thing?! What is it??
Uh, it looks like a gas station in the middle of the desert with a big gift shop and an attached Dairy Queen. Inside we found the typical tacky desert souvenirs--animal carvings, jewelery, "rattlesnake eggs," cheesy T-shirts, and Mexican jumping beans. At the back was a huge metal door to nowhere with a $1 admission fee. It took some convincing to get the Mrs. to agree to enter, but I prevailed.
The lady took our money and told us to follow the yellow footprints through the other buildings. Other buildings? These yellow tracks were supposed to be made by Bigfoot, I guess. There was no turning back. We went through the heavy door and entered the first of several open-doored bunkers. That was about the time we realized we had forgotten the camera. It was in the car. After some consideration we concluded there was no way to exit, get the camera, and re-enter. So, sorry, no pictures from here either.
The buildings were full of completely random, and kind of creepy, stuff. There were the "one of a kind" wooden sculptures of people being tortured, a collection of ancient guns including one from the Ottoman Empire (supposedly), and some strange creatures that appeared to be made from tree roots. Then there were the collections of "artifacts," which included old cars, including one that was supposedly Hitler's, a buggy that Abe Lincoln once rode in, and random old household items. Then there was the more "ethnic" stuff--an ancient Chinese stool, Native American baskets, and random pottery.
In the last building one can find out what The Thing? actually is. I will not spoil it, in case you are ever driving along I-10 and want to find out. You can Google it if you are really curious. Let me say you'd likely never guess what The Thing? really is. The whole experience was totally awesome in its randomness, even if it was a bit creepy. I love America.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Well Blog
There's some good discussion/cathartic rambling going on at the NYT Well Blog. If you are a frequent reader of the Well Blog, you may be familiar with the links to Dr. Pauline Chen's columns and the responses. In a nutshell, she is an academic surgeon and will often write something about a current issue in medicine, particularly regarding medical education/training. She usually starts with an anecdote from her own training/teaching experiences, then finds a recent study that addresses the main point of said anecdote, and ends by interviewing the author of the study who offers his/her ideas about how we might change the system. Often, she addresses topics that are "taboo" to discuss in the hospital, like this week's topic: when physicians, especially stressed out residents, have "distress" in their lives, it impacts the care they provide to patients.
Now my first response, as it often is to these columns, is, "did we really need to conduct a study to reach this conclusion that seems so obvious?" But since the culture of medicine is not to address issues related to stress/being overworked/ balance in life/etc, I guess unfortunately the answer is yes. What I enjoy most about the Well Blog referencing her columns are the comments that soon appear. Several players dominate the discussion:
1. MDs - usually we hear from current residents/young physicians about the hell of residency currently, older generation MDs whining about how easy our generation has it or about how much medicine now sucks, a few voices from somewhere in between acknowledging the horror of training and the need for change, but reminding the young ones to remember why we entered this profession in the first place.
2. MD Haters - a few people will then start posting that MDs need to stop whining because our salaries are too high, we all have god complexes, we knew what we were getting into, we drive up health care costs, etc.
3. MD defenders - some people, often nurses, jump the aid of MDs and talk about the high debts we have when finishing, the awful hours in residency, the declining reimbursements, and the difficulty of seeing so many patients in limited time.
4. Lawyers/PhDs - then some other professionals, usually JDs/PhDs start posting about what they go through, how they work 80+ hour weeks/slave in labs and have debts/low wages, are underappreciated professionals too.
5. Some MDs then start to post again whining how the attorneys need to get off this blog because "we save lives" and being a lawyer is never that stressful. They then say the PhDs should go because they do not have the debts we do.
6. Repeat, around and around.
Will the problems ever get solved on the Well Blog? Probably not. But I do think the discussions are good because they give the public some idea of what goes on behind the scenes in health care. And they provide MDs/other health professionals with a virtually anonymous way to voice their feelings, which they often cannot do elsewhere. It can be a lot of negativity, but there has to be a place to let that out if it is not safe to do elsewhere. I think that is one reason why sites like SDN and medical school/resident blogs get traffic. Communal sharing of the pain is one way to deal with it.
Here were a few choice comments from anonymous MDs (not me, thankfully) on the current Well Blog discussion on the residency experience:
I’m currently in my internship and I would love for the next generation to be able to survive their training more healthily than I am.
1. Doctors from before the 80 hour work-week LOVE to hassle this generation for being weak because we don’t have to work more than 80 hours a week or 24 hours in a row. BUT:
It is just not HUMAN to work 24 hours in a row.
For anybody.
I don’t care if you are scooping ice-cream or folding socks, 24 hours is not do-able, the human mind can’t stay sharp, being awake for 24 hours does bad things to your muscles, your digestive tract, your mind, your circulation. As doctors shouldn’t We know this? For gods sake people, I come off a 12 hour shift with leg edema! After 24 hours I want to scream at people even when they are just being people and I’m pretty mild-mannered!
One of the arguments against changing shifts completely every 12 hours, for example, is that there are many details lost in translation between shifts. The ability to communicate succinctly, easily, comfortably are not skills that are valued in the application process to medical school. These skills are in fact underdeveloped in most applicants because we are still pushing those who are ‘good at science’ into this role of physician and unfortunately studying science can be a solitary and unsocial effort. Medical schools and residencies market themselves as looking for well-rounded individuals but they rarely consider anyone with poor scores or grades.
2. Psychology and therapy are not bad words. Why shouldn’t it be mandatory for anyone taking on the job of caring for others to spend time examining themselves, their motives, their influences. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for example can help with depression, anxiety, perfectionism. If there is ever a group of people I have seen who ALL suffer from these and need some therapy it is medical students.
3. Hospitals are unfortunately extremely unhealthy places. The food for both the staff and the patients is generally low-quality. There is no respect for the act of eating and taking breaks. The only breaks universally accepted are smoking breaks. Wearing scrubs while it is comfortable, I believe, contributes to the normalization of obesity among the staff.
It smells bad. The lighting is depressing. The facilities in community hospitals where much of my training has taken place are deplorable. Why not have intelligent and sensitive and HUMANE architects design the next generations hospitals? With a little aromatherapy, more break areas and areas designed for quiet reflection (who hasn’t hid in the clean utility room to cry when things get overwhelming) hospitals can be less hostile toward those working there and therefore also the patients.
4. The bullying. The elephant in the room in the hospital is the overwhelmingly negative behavior between staff members. It is considered wimpish (and maybe un-American?) to complain about bullying as an adult, but there is an attitude of pouring the negativity that is poured on you onto those below you in the hierarchy. This happens within residency programs, between nurses and doctors, toward the medical students, the aids, the social workers, it is everywhere. How can people who supposedly want to help people treat each other with so much hostility? I think this daily. The culture of negativity and complaining and talking behind people’s backs and criticism without encouragement, etc, etc, creates such a malignant environment that any doctors with a shred of sanity and humanity left opt out leaving behind those who create and harbor the caustic attitudes.
5. I could go on and on but I have another 24 hour shift tomorrow…
---------------------------
Residency turned me from an upbeat, happy, optimistic person into a crabby, ultrasensitive, irritable, depressed and angry person. There are the “80″ hour (my record was 107 hours) work weeks, the “24″ hour shifts (my record was 37 hours straight - without sleep) up to 3 days a week, the condescending and power-hungry attendings who belittle residents and tell them “how easy they have it nowadays”, the average 12-14 hour work-days full of nonstop beeping beepers/paperwork/inability to scarf down a snack or even go to the bathroom without 23 interruptions/and legitimately sick patients, the four days off a month (to pay bills, buy groceries, change the oil, call your parents, and “do all that reading” so you don’t feel like a complete idiot when you’re being pimped at 6 AM the next day in front of 10 other people), the friends who leave you because they “don’t understand why you never call them”, the sheer constant exhaustion that never goes away…
…and you do that for 3-6 years of residency! Of course you get depressed and distressed and hate yourself and the world and that damn patient who comes in in the middle of the night requiring emergency surgery. Of course you very seriously consider dropping out of residency… or life altogether, as a woman in my class attempted to do.
This is NOT a pity party. This is the reality on how doctors are trained.
Until serious and considerable changes are implemented, the smart people will be doing their homework and will take a different career path.
I wish I had.
Now my first response, as it often is to these columns, is, "did we really need to conduct a study to reach this conclusion that seems so obvious?" But since the culture of medicine is not to address issues related to stress/being overworked/ balance in life/etc, I guess unfortunately the answer is yes. What I enjoy most about the Well Blog referencing her columns are the comments that soon appear. Several players dominate the discussion:
1. MDs - usually we hear from current residents/young physicians about the hell of residency currently, older generation MDs whining about how easy our generation has it or about how much medicine now sucks, a few voices from somewhere in between acknowledging the horror of training and the need for change, but reminding the young ones to remember why we entered this profession in the first place.
2. MD Haters - a few people will then start posting that MDs need to stop whining because our salaries are too high, we all have god complexes, we knew what we were getting into, we drive up health care costs, etc.
3. MD defenders - some people, often nurses, jump the aid of MDs and talk about the high debts we have when finishing, the awful hours in residency, the declining reimbursements, and the difficulty of seeing so many patients in limited time.
4. Lawyers/PhDs - then some other professionals, usually JDs/PhDs start posting about what they go through, how they work 80+ hour weeks/slave in labs and have debts/low wages, are underappreciated professionals too.
5. Some MDs then start to post again whining how the attorneys need to get off this blog because "we save lives" and being a lawyer is never that stressful. They then say the PhDs should go because they do not have the debts we do.
6. Repeat, around and around.
Will the problems ever get solved on the Well Blog? Probably not. But I do think the discussions are good because they give the public some idea of what goes on behind the scenes in health care. And they provide MDs/other health professionals with a virtually anonymous way to voice their feelings, which they often cannot do elsewhere. It can be a lot of negativity, but there has to be a place to let that out if it is not safe to do elsewhere. I think that is one reason why sites like SDN and medical school/resident blogs get traffic. Communal sharing of the pain is one way to deal with it.
Here were a few choice comments from anonymous MDs (not me, thankfully) on the current Well Blog discussion on the residency experience:
I’m currently in my internship and I would love for the next generation to be able to survive their training more healthily than I am.
1. Doctors from before the 80 hour work-week LOVE to hassle this generation for being weak because we don’t have to work more than 80 hours a week or 24 hours in a row. BUT:
It is just not HUMAN to work 24 hours in a row.
For anybody.
I don’t care if you are scooping ice-cream or folding socks, 24 hours is not do-able, the human mind can’t stay sharp, being awake for 24 hours does bad things to your muscles, your digestive tract, your mind, your circulation. As doctors shouldn’t We know this? For gods sake people, I come off a 12 hour shift with leg edema! After 24 hours I want to scream at people even when they are just being people and I’m pretty mild-mannered!
One of the arguments against changing shifts completely every 12 hours, for example, is that there are many details lost in translation between shifts. The ability to communicate succinctly, easily, comfortably are not skills that are valued in the application process to medical school. These skills are in fact underdeveloped in most applicants because we are still pushing those who are ‘good at science’ into this role of physician and unfortunately studying science can be a solitary and unsocial effort. Medical schools and residencies market themselves as looking for well-rounded individuals but they rarely consider anyone with poor scores or grades.
2. Psychology and therapy are not bad words. Why shouldn’t it be mandatory for anyone taking on the job of caring for others to spend time examining themselves, their motives, their influences. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for example can help with depression, anxiety, perfectionism. If there is ever a group of people I have seen who ALL suffer from these and need some therapy it is medical students.
3. Hospitals are unfortunately extremely unhealthy places. The food for both the staff and the patients is generally low-quality. There is no respect for the act of eating and taking breaks. The only breaks universally accepted are smoking breaks. Wearing scrubs while it is comfortable, I believe, contributes to the normalization of obesity among the staff.
It smells bad. The lighting is depressing. The facilities in community hospitals where much of my training has taken place are deplorable. Why not have intelligent and sensitive and HUMANE architects design the next generations hospitals? With a little aromatherapy, more break areas and areas designed for quiet reflection (who hasn’t hid in the clean utility room to cry when things get overwhelming) hospitals can be less hostile toward those working there and therefore also the patients.
4. The bullying. The elephant in the room in the hospital is the overwhelmingly negative behavior between staff members. It is considered wimpish (and maybe un-American?) to complain about bullying as an adult, but there is an attitude of pouring the negativity that is poured on you onto those below you in the hierarchy. This happens within residency programs, between nurses and doctors, toward the medical students, the aids, the social workers, it is everywhere. How can people who supposedly want to help people treat each other with so much hostility? I think this daily. The culture of negativity and complaining and talking behind people’s backs and criticism without encouragement, etc, etc, creates such a malignant environment that any doctors with a shred of sanity and humanity left opt out leaving behind those who create and harbor the caustic attitudes.
5. I could go on and on but I have another 24 hour shift tomorrow…
---------------------------
Residency turned me from an upbeat, happy, optimistic person into a crabby, ultrasensitive, irritable, depressed and angry person. There are the “80″ hour (my record was 107 hours) work weeks, the “24″ hour shifts (my record was 37 hours straight - without sleep) up to 3 days a week, the condescending and power-hungry attendings who belittle residents and tell them “how easy they have it nowadays”, the average 12-14 hour work-days full of nonstop beeping beepers/paperwork/inability to scarf down a snack or even go to the bathroom without 23 interruptions/and legitimately sick patients, the four days off a month (to pay bills, buy groceries, change the oil, call your parents, and “do all that reading” so you don’t feel like a complete idiot when you’re being pimped at 6 AM the next day in front of 10 other people), the friends who leave you because they “don’t understand why you never call them”, the sheer constant exhaustion that never goes away…
…and you do that for 3-6 years of residency! Of course you get depressed and distressed and hate yourself and the world and that damn patient who comes in in the middle of the night requiring emergency surgery. Of course you very seriously consider dropping out of residency… or life altogether, as a woman in my class attempted to do.
This is NOT a pity party. This is the reality on how doctors are trained.
Until serious and considerable changes are implemented, the smart people will be doing their homework and will take a different career path.
I wish I had.
Friday, October 2, 2009
White Sands, NM
This place is so incredible. If you have never been, definitely put it on your list of must-see in your lifetime places.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Vacation
Wow, it has been quite a month. After surviving the swine flu I went back to work for just 4 days before heading to the Southwest for a week. It was awesome--a totally needed change of scenery. We got to chill out, eat good Mexican food, and to see some old friends. It was interesting to catch up with several people that I had met while doing my premed post-bac work. Most of my friends at that point were on the path to medical school or a related healthcare path. Now 5+ years after finishing, I am a resident. One other friend is a 4th year medical student after starting a PhD program and realizing it was not right. Another friend is now a PA. Someone else works in a lab. Two others have done some combination of high school science teaching/travel/other random jobs and are still thinking about going to graduate school, though not medical school. Granted, we are all a pretty non-traditional bunch, but it is pretty interesting to see where everyone ended up in the end.
I got back to work and have been enjoying my elective time. Elective months are nice because they give you time to catch up on everything else that has been lagging. I have been pretty focused on a research project and am wrapping up a manuscript and a couple of abstracts. At the same time it is hard because we are supposed to be learning important material on electives. In a couple of days I go back to my 80-hour weeks on surgicals, so I will definitely miss this time. Time to go to dinner with the family, but I will post some cool vacation pictures later.
I got back to work and have been enjoying my elective time. Elective months are nice because they give you time to catch up on everything else that has been lagging. I have been pretty focused on a research project and am wrapping up a manuscript and a couple of abstracts. At the same time it is hard because we are supposed to be learning important material on electives. In a couple of days I go back to my 80-hour weeks on surgicals, so I will definitely miss this time. Time to go to dinner with the family, but I will post some cool vacation pictures later.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Swine Flu Diaries: Urticaria
Thursday
Yes, you read that right: urticaria, or hives. No, it is not normally part of the swine flu disease course. But I got to experience it. Lucky me. Here is how it went down.
I awoke feeling a tiny bit better. It appeared the upper GI part of the illness had resolved and it had settled in my lower GI tract. Not that diarrhea is fun, but I'll take it over vomiting. I took my morning dose of Tamiflu, drank some water, and flopped down on the couch feeling fatigued, achy, and out of it. About an hour later I had to make a run for the bathroom. Upon finishing my business there, I happened to glance in the mirror. What the hell? Why is my face so red? Looking more closely I realized that my face was covered with red wheals. I glanced under my pj's and realized they were all over my body.
I woke Mrs. Lone Coyote to tell her I thought I was allergic to Tamiflu. Boy, was she having a rough week with me waking her up with all kinds of problems each morning. We agreed it had to be the Tamiflu since I had not eaten in days. My airway felt fine, but the hives were growing bigger and itchier, so I grabbed my EpiPen just in case.
Eventually, a trip to my HMO was in order and a friend drove me over there to get some antihistamine and to show them my airway was fine. The several hours spent out just wiped me out and I eventually came home, took the antihistamine, and basically spent the rest of the day passed out. All of this meant no more Tamiflu for me. I would have to brave what was to come without the wonder drug.
Yes, you read that right: urticaria, or hives. No, it is not normally part of the swine flu disease course. But I got to experience it. Lucky me. Here is how it went down.
I awoke feeling a tiny bit better. It appeared the upper GI part of the illness had resolved and it had settled in my lower GI tract. Not that diarrhea is fun, but I'll take it over vomiting. I took my morning dose of Tamiflu, drank some water, and flopped down on the couch feeling fatigued, achy, and out of it. About an hour later I had to make a run for the bathroom. Upon finishing my business there, I happened to glance in the mirror. What the hell? Why is my face so red? Looking more closely I realized that my face was covered with red wheals. I glanced under my pj's and realized they were all over my body.
I woke Mrs. Lone Coyote to tell her I thought I was allergic to Tamiflu. Boy, was she having a rough week with me waking her up with all kinds of problems each morning. We agreed it had to be the Tamiflu since I had not eaten in days. My airway felt fine, but the hives were growing bigger and itchier, so I grabbed my EpiPen just in case.
Eventually, a trip to my HMO was in order and a friend drove me over there to get some antihistamine and to show them my airway was fine. The several hours spent out just wiped me out and I eventually came home, took the antihistamine, and basically spent the rest of the day passed out. All of this meant no more Tamiflu for me. I would have to brave what was to come without the wonder drug.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Swine Flu Diaries: The GI Phase
Wednesday
I awoke on Wednesday morning with a sense of urgency I have not felt in years. It was time to sprint for the bathroom.... now! Unfortunately, I did not quite make it, and Mrs. Lone Coyote was awakened by yours truly vomiting in the kitchen sink. Thus, a new phase of the badness had begun. The fever came down a bit. But now the evil pig virus had taken up residence in my GI tract. I spent much of the day making frequent trips to the bathroom where my body tried to force the little bit of water and Gatorade I was drinking out either side. Yes, you read that right. This wonderful virus features both vomiting and diarrhea as symptoms. Really fun times.
The body aches and headache were still there. I also was beginning to get a really bad sore throat. And I was so weak from all of the activity that it was hard to even sit on the couch for bad television. Remember that thought I'd had the previous day about how slowly could a day pass? This day was sinking to a new low.
And then our prince charming rode in on his white horse to save the day. Well, not really. But our primary care physician did call and suggest we start Tamiflu to provide a quicker resolution to the whole disaster. I was right on the cusp of the 48-hour widow for symptoms, but he thought it was worth a shot. A few hours later we had Tamiflu dropped off at our door by some kind folk who fetched it for us so we would not infect any more people at the pharmacy. We took our first capsules and I instantly felt better. Gotta love that placebo effect, or just a natural lull in my GI misery that happened to coincide with this capsule. Help had arrived.
I awoke on Wednesday morning with a sense of urgency I have not felt in years. It was time to sprint for the bathroom.... now! Unfortunately, I did not quite make it, and Mrs. Lone Coyote was awakened by yours truly vomiting in the kitchen sink. Thus, a new phase of the badness had begun. The fever came down a bit. But now the evil pig virus had taken up residence in my GI tract. I spent much of the day making frequent trips to the bathroom where my body tried to force the little bit of water and Gatorade I was drinking out either side. Yes, you read that right. This wonderful virus features both vomiting and diarrhea as symptoms. Really fun times.
The body aches and headache were still there. I also was beginning to get a really bad sore throat. And I was so weak from all of the activity that it was hard to even sit on the couch for bad television. Remember that thought I'd had the previous day about how slowly could a day pass? This day was sinking to a new low.
And then our prince charming rode in on his white horse to save the day. Well, not really. But our primary care physician did call and suggest we start Tamiflu to provide a quicker resolution to the whole disaster. I was right on the cusp of the 48-hour widow for symptoms, but he thought it was worth a shot. A few hours later we had Tamiflu dropped off at our door by some kind folk who fetched it for us so we would not infect any more people at the pharmacy. We took our first capsules and I instantly felt better. Gotta love that placebo effect, or just a natural lull in my GI misery that happened to coincide with this capsule. Help had arrived.
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